The spoils Pt. 2

You win some and you lose some. I never truly realized how crazy people can be on the internet. Some good some bad. I got an email from an older woman that said something like, "You look like a good boy but I bet you're a real bad boy in bed! Hit me up if you like older chicks." Ha ha ha! Awesome. Older chicks rule. Least they get right down to the point and don't want to fuck you around. The best thing about bangin an older chick, you know damn well you can go in the fridge and get a capri sun afterwards. That and she's got shit to do. You're in and out cause she's gotta go pick up the kids from soccer practice. Ha ha ha! (I stole the capri sun shit from a comedian, I'm sorry)

I got another email from the other end of the spectrum. A really horny 19 year old girl. She emails me something harmless, but when I start talking to her on IM she gets right down to business. "Are you a very sexual person?" She asks. lol. Why yes I am thank you very much. Why do you ask? Ha ha ha. Then she just starts going into very vivid detail about which sexual positions she likes the most, and how no guy she's been with could make her cum. Wow! How awesome. I didn't even do anything. Chick just starts sending me naked pictures of her. Really, I haven't even initiated contact with many girls. Except Thesassyginger, but I don't think she likes me.

The girl with the poor grammar keeps emailing me too. Even though I don't respond to her. She emails me every day or two to ask how I'm doing. Oh, I talked to her briefly on an IM'er a week ago or so. That was funny. She told me about how she's a "bad girl." I asked her to elaborate, but with less syllables. She went on to tell me about how she has banged two guys at once. Ha ha ha! Check that off the list of things to do.

Another chick I talked to briefly tells me about how she has only ever had 2 boyfriends in her life. She said that she was with her last one for 5 years. He is 28, she is 20. So that means he was one creepy fucker at 23 bangin a 15 year old. Um, no thanks. I don't need to deal with that kind of emotional damage. I mean, I'm not exactly doing handstands in my life right now but I'm not forcing any sort of psychological trauma on someone else either.

I got another email from a very attractive girl. Same age, and she like's U of M football. Alright, I can dig this. So I start talking to her, and she's pretty cool. Everything is going FINE AND DANDY. Then out of nowhere she's like, "Ok, I have to be serious for a minute. ......This part sucks. And I understand if you don't ever want to talk to me again." Uh oh! This can't be good. "I have an STD." Oh sweet mother of God. What in the hell? Why why why why why why why are you on a dating site then? Hey it's all good though. I felt really bad for her, but no. Just no.

Got another email from some chick that just wanted to talk about all of the things that have been going wrong in her life. She told me about the last three guys that screwed her over and broke her heart blah blah blah. I'm sorry, I'm not a licensed counselor. I don't have the authority to give you advice ma'am. Good day.

To be honest, this is all pretty hilarious. It is highly entertaining that's for sure. It's like watching tv. The tv is turned to the Spice channel, and we got a little picture in picture action of Jerry Springer in the corner. I have still yet to meet any one off the internet. I haven't found one that was worth actually meeting. (Except the ginger one, but I don't think that's working out) Any way about it, this is some pretty funny shit. I will keep posting about the spoils of internet dating as it happens.

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